I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
