Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
