I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
