just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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