Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Randomize
