we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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