Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
