don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
