I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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