Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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