No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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