Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
