At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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