I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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