Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
