If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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