Just cropdusted the office
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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