This is not my ceiling
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
