I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
