My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
