I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
