so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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