suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
i now understand why vodka
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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