Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
