a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
