NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize