Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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