Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize