sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
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