C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize