You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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