We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
