I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
How external is "for external use only"?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
