Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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