I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
