He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I touched a dick in church today
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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