yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
