Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize