ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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