it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
