I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
