you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
