I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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