i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
