so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
