fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You need a sexual gate keeper
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Randomize
