it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
you win again, gameday.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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