Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
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