when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
