I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
