and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i think i just lost a toe
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
