he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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