She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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