I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
someone owes me an orgasm
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
