Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
another moral hangover. fuck.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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