He disabled his match.com account in front of me
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
