I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
