Pregnant stripper...not hot.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
