Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
