Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
