I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
