too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
