i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
