I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
