Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
