you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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