All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
