Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize