He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
