So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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