I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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