maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
