I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
