Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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