walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
