dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
