Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
