You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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