Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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