Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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