did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
