smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize