i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
