Dude my mom stole all your condoms
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize