Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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