I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
