she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize