so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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