Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
