He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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