is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
