I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
How external is "for external use only"?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
