My room smells like vodka and shame
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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