At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
